Sunday, Monday

Last night I had sex with Matthew Baldwin.
We text messaged eachother and I sent him fake pictures of myself.
I sent a picture that was supposed to be my butt but it actually was my thigh and picture of another woman's breasts.
He sent me a picture of his hard dick.
I met this person at a wine bar before the Vampire Weekend concert at the Fox Theater back in April of this year.
The whole experience was rather uncomfortable and unnerving.
I was scared my roommates would hear everything but Nick swears neither he or Robert heard anything.
It was an odd experience.
I am desperate.
I shouldn't be desperate, but I am.



I am attracted to Halley's younger brother Tyler. He's skinny and has facial hair and he's just plain cute.
I adore his laugh and he seems like he likes to joke around like me, who wants to be serious all the time?
He smokes weed and looks all American. Is that cliché? Too California?
I plan on pursuing Tyler and maybe even Nick's older brother Greg if Greg let's me.
And even though I'm scared of rejection I'm not getting any younger or smarter.
I'm pretty sure Tyler's interested too because on Saturday he sat near me during dinner and he went out to smoke with me and while we were smoking he asked me if I have any kids or if I'm married. Laugh out loud!
Then later on when we were playing some game with Halley and some of their other family. I felt someone staring at me and I looked up and it was Tyler. I caught him staring at me twice. And each time I looked him in the eyes and let him know he got caught.
Maybe I'm too sure of myself but I bet both my hands Tyler is interested in me too. All it takes now is for one of us to give in. Maybe I should wear something attractive romorrow night when I come over his parent's house to meet Halley and go to sushi. Oh no. I just remembered he might not even be home, he might be working... Damn.
I feel pretty empty right now. My life is lacking forward momentum as usual.
I need a job and I need to do all these things but it's so hard to accomplish them.
I currently lack motivation in my life.