"The oddness of life once again, distracted her."

I guess, I do only have fun if I'm being entertained or if someone is paying attention to me. Sometimes I really hate myself. I wish I could be available emotionally for certain people, particularly my loved one's and the opposite sex. I do feel, feelings by the way. Mostly lust, anger, resentment, geniality brought on because of either fornication or drugs, and last but not least satisfaction and that's about it.

If I could snap my fingers and be happy without needing a man for sex or a friend to pay attention to me and to help keep away my loneliness then I would; but that's never going to happen.

It's better to be alone than in a relationship based on orgasms.

Maybe it is all me, Nick told me the reason why guys don't want to date me is because I'm too beautiful, real, and blunt for them to handle. He says guys want girls they can control and who can boost their ego. I don't know if this even applies to me because he's gay, like he would have any insight on the subject anyways.

I guess, I am a little sad today. Nick called and asked me if I was okay because he said I sounded sad or put off, he then asked me if I could get Greg some E pills and I said yes but it would cost Greg $95.00 for eight pills and the trouble of getting them. He said okay and that Greg needs them by Thursday.

I've finally figured it out, what my problem is this week. I'm upset that I've been rejected by a boy, a twenty-three year old boy who is my friend's little brother. I'm not good enough to date him, but I'm good enough for him to fuck but not anything else substantial because I'm too free and wild for him to comprehend or spend time with. It sucks to be rejected, everyone knows this.