The story of John Ryan Rogan.

When I came back home the first time from visiting Skosh (my ex-boyfriend) on the first of February I was feeling extremely confident and my ego was as big as it could be that week. That is why I gained the courage to talk to John and instant message him on Facebook and ask him if he wanted to hang out and smoke some bowls sometime.

He gave me his number and I gave him mine. Then that was it. I didn't hear from him until the day I posted a Status Update on the ninth, that I liked skinny, white guys that look like Michael Cera. That night he texted me and we hung out, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Coincidence? Or not?

I don't know but the suspense is killing me; I've been obsessing over these instances this week. But see I like focusing on new subjects, it makes life more interesting.

Especially since it's unknown to me or anyone I know if John Ryan Rogan likes me back... But with my luck he probably doesn't even like me like that which would be okay.

It's just that it has come to my attention last Friday that I might be considered a "fag hag" because my best friend is a homosexual and I live with two of them and I only hang out with girls and homosexuals. I need more straight, male friends but the ones I do know are kinda lame and have crushes on me and act weird around me.

I mean I know I have a crush on John and all and that's kinda awkward too (at least for me)  but at least he isn't weird and doesn't make me feel uncomfortable like my other straight, male friends do.

I don't know...my feelings are always fleeting, it seems. I might change my mind about him tonight or maybe next week. No one really knows and neither do I. But he is rather cute and not in a dumb blond kind of a way he's hot in an intellectual, hippy guy kind of way which is totally different. I hate how I become such a spaz when I like a guy. I feel like a fucking idiot, all googly eyed and shit. Oh how the opposite sex makes me feel like I'm losing I.Q. points!

I became so exhausted and spaztastic when I was talking about him to Robert and Nick and they told me not to ask him if he'd like to accompany me to Amy's wedding. I will bring it up though casually in conversation. I can't believe Jess doesn't want to go to the wedding reception and just the wedding now I'm going to be alone and feeling weird because I might see ex-lovers and ex-friends which is lame in itself. Life can be one stupid, asshole sometimes...